6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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