Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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