but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
