im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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