If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
