ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
