He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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