Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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