I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
