finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
