I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
