Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
