Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I enjoy the company of your penis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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