it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
