dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
