I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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