My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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