when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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