Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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