He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
