Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
