Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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