worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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