I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
