hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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