Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
