it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
