the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
