i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
