I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Come see our sink grown plant.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
