I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
