Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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