She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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