well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
