party gras won. party gras always wins.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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