yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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