I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
