hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
