im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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