Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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