Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
