I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
