remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
