Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
