make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
