Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
