She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
