she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
