you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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