I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
