dude i'm inner monologue high
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
