So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
