I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
