Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
