i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
