O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
